last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
