Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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