I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
