I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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