You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
