He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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