You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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