Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
