I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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