I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize