she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
