Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
