just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
