How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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