I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
