You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize