i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
