I'm so fucking centered right now
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
