I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
