I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize