If you die in college, do you die in real life?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
