I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
