the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize