he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
