shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
