all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
