I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
