drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
