4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
