you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
