I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
