Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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