so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
