I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
