The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
