I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
