I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
