Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
