So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
