I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
