I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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