I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
