Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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