I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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