Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
