he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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