Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
