i was born a porn star she said
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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