is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
