He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
