WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
