Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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