sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
