hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
