you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
