and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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