The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
