It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
