ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
