I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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