if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
