Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
