Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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