At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
