it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
