I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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