So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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