I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
