...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
