Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
