Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
