I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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