Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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