Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
