Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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