There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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