I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
