i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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